So while everyone is asking how my mom and I are doing, a lot have asked how Annie (our almost 10 year old golden retriever) is doing. Annie was my dad's girl. She was meant for me, but my dad was at home with her from day 1 and she was SO close to him. When he was sleeping downstairs these past few weeks she laid by his bed or in view of his bed in the room EVERY DAY, almost ALL DAY. So knowing that my dad's death was coming up, we were anxious (in addition to everything else) about how she would react. My mom recalls that when her dad died, their dog (who was very close to her dad) stopped eating for 2 weeks and they were very concerned. Thankfully Annie hasn't done this, not sure if that's because she's just that obsessed with food or because she knew that he was dying, either of those are very possible. She has although become much more anxious. She is still her playful self, especially with Poppy, who I think is helping her to not be depressed, but she is much more clingy and anxious. She paces a lot and is always wanting to go outside, then 2 mins later inside (which could be from the cold) and she is just not as calm as usual. We're giving her extra attention, and she will get better, along with my mom and I, but I hate seeing her go through this too. Although it is heartwarming to know how much she loved him.
So I hope that is a good update on our Annie girl! I was surprised at how many people ask about her but I guess it makes sense because she and my dad were so close.
Hope everyone is having a good week!
The Elephant in the Room: Learning how to live with this "New Normal"
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
The Fight is Over
On Thursday January 23rd between 4a and 5a, my dad peacefully went to heaven in his sleep.
My dad went much faster than we expected, but we believe he was not in much if any pain.
Funeral services will be Friday the 31st with a small meal to follow.
Our hearts are broken and we are dealing as well as we can. We have our moments but were getting through it.
We really appreciate all of the prayers, positive thoughts and support.
I'll try to update again in the coming weeks about how my mom and I are doing.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Update
I'm going to do a quick update on my dad because I've gotten a lot of questions asking how he is doing!
So up until the end of last week dad was able to get up out of bed a few times of day to go to the bathroom and such. Then I don't remember what day but he started to get weaker. It could be that he stopped taking his sodium pills but we aren't sure. He spends most of his time in bed now, maybe gets up once or twice a day but not as often as a week ago.
He also has had another decrease in appetite. He's barely eating, but had a somewhat large meal for dinner tonight.
Other than that nothing much is happening. Day to day life is still a struggle but we're getting there. We appreciate all of the prayers and support and I hope you all are having a good week!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
My Tattoo
So about a week ago I did something I never though I would do, nor did anyone else I guess!
I got a tattoo.
It is a black ribbon for melanoma awareness. I got it at Tattoo's by Rick in Green Bay, he is AWESOME!
And incase anyone asks, yes it did hurt...a lot! Haha. But it was totally worth it.
I got a tattoo.
And incase anyone asks, yes it did hurt...a lot! Haha. But it was totally worth it.
FAQ
Okay so these are some questions that are asked A LOT, so I figured that I'd make a post on that.
1. how is your dad? (you can find that on my post here)
2. How are you and your mom? (find that here)
3. What can we do?
a. Bring us meals! That would help us SO MUCH! My awesome friend Ashley has kindly restarted our meal train, you can find the sign up list here or in the side bar.
b. Another thing that we'd love is a list of people who can potentially watch the dogs when we can't. We've got one AMAZING pet sitter who we love (and I would totally reccomend to ANYONE) but would love a set of back ups incase she can't!
I can't think of any others now but I'm sure I will and as I do I will add to this list.
Hope this helps everyone out!
1. how is your dad? (you can find that on my post here)
2. How are you and your mom? (find that here)
3. What can we do?
a. Bring us meals! That would help us SO MUCH! My awesome friend Ashley has kindly restarted our meal train, you can find the sign up list here or in the side bar.
b. Another thing that we'd love is a list of people who can potentially watch the dogs when we can't. We've got one AMAZING pet sitter who we love (and I would totally reccomend to ANYONE) but would love a set of back ups incase she can't!
I can't think of any others now but I'm sure I will and as I do I will add to this list.
Hope this helps everyone out!
"How are you doing?"
Okay this is a follow up to the FAQ. One of our most common questions is "How are you and your mom doing?" So this will address that.
Mom:
Mom is the main caregiver for my dad. My dad is very much wanting to be with her as much as possible so she juggles that along with everything else. She is amazing. Despite this, she has her moments. While not going too much into it, she is not so much scared as just sad that they did not have enough time, that she is losing her best friend, and mad because we did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do to prevent this, yet it happened anyway.
Me:
I'm pissed. Plain and simple. My dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. My dad was supposed to meet his grandkids. But nope. That doesn't get to happen. NEVER did I think this would happen. No one does, but really. Everyone in my dad's family lives forever, and my dad is dying at 71? that isn't what anyone even considered.
So basically, my mom and I are pissed, sad, confused, wondering why this happened, knowing it's not fair, but we get through it. We get through things one hour, one day at a time. We don't let it overwhelm us and when we do we know we have each other to turn to.
Mom:
Mom is the main caregiver for my dad. My dad is very much wanting to be with her as much as possible so she juggles that along with everything else. She is amazing. Despite this, she has her moments. While not going too much into it, she is not so much scared as just sad that they did not have enough time, that she is losing her best friend, and mad because we did EVERYTHING we were supposed to do to prevent this, yet it happened anyway.
Me:
I'm pissed. Plain and simple. My dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. My dad was supposed to meet his grandkids. But nope. That doesn't get to happen. NEVER did I think this would happen. No one does, but really. Everyone in my dad's family lives forever, and my dad is dying at 71? that isn't what anyone even considered.
So basically, my mom and I are pissed, sad, confused, wondering why this happened, knowing it's not fair, but we get through it. We get through things one hour, one day at a time. We don't let it overwhelm us and when we do we know we have each other to turn to.
Week 1 million 5 hundred 86 thousand 6 hundred 91 and 1/2 update...
At least that's how long it feels since my dad was diagnosed. In all reality it has been 16 weeks and 2 days...it feel like it all started yesterday, yet it feels like it also happened a lifetime ago.
So now I am going to attempt to update on as much as I possibly can on what happened between last friday ( January 3rd) through now (January 12th).
So leading up the 3rd, things were going okay. My dad was weak but he was still moving along. He had his 4th and last treatment of the yervoy on monday the 30th and actually drove himself to and from that appointment. Then came Friday. Sometime around 4 or 5 pm he got up to go to the bathroom and in walking there got extremely weak and collapsed. I was not home at the time but had been told there was nothing I could've done. My mom called 911 and they took my dad to st. mary's. During the entire ordeal my dad was completely conscious and aware of what was going on and has remained that way.
Once at the hospital they did an ultrasound on his heart and a ton of bloodwork. They were worried at first about his heart due to fluid around it but we later learned that it wasn't too much fluid and it was just irriatation from the tumor in his lungs but was not threatening. At this point the on call oncologist decided that my dad did not need to be admitted, but my dad disagreed and they put admitted him under observation.
The following morning we got to see the on call oncologist. He seemed to be honest with us until I went to leave and he pulled me aside and sugguested that I get hospice involved and that he may only have a couple weeks to a couple months to live, MAYBE a year if we were REALLY lucky. Up to this point we were still expecting at least 4-5 years.
The next couple days were filled with phsycial therapy and waiting for monday to come.
Finally Monday came and we were able to speak with my dad's oncologist who is probably the BEST oncologist EVER and I LOVE her. She is awesome. She was completely honest and very caring with us. She agreed basically with the on call oncologist, that not only was my dad so weak from the treatment of the yervoy but also the cancer, and that any more treatment to him would be too toxic. They decided to do the scans they had scheuled for later this month that day.
The next day we found out that while my dad's tumors had shrunk in his brain, they had also spread. At this point she confirmed that he had a very short time remaining, and that we should get hospice involved.
So after another day of meeting what seemed like a gazillion people from the hospital, physical therapy, occupational therapy, hospice, etc, we finally got to go home, diagnosis in hand, ready to give my dad as much as we could for the rest of his life.
Since then we have a hospital bed in our family room, and either a CNA or a nurse comes everyday during the work week.
According to my dad, he is not in any pain but he has a greatly decreased appetite. He gets up occasionally throughout the day but spends most of the time in bed. He is still talking and even had enough energy to get really mad at me when I was out late the night of the ice storm (haha).
The outpouring of love from friends and family has been overwhelming and we are so grateful to have everyone's support as we deal with all this.
I'm going to do a seperate blog post on common questions that we are asked, as well as one that addresses how my mom and I are feeling, since that seems to be a popular question as well.
Again we are grateful for all the love and support during this time, and ask that everyone continue prayers/positive thoughts.
Susan
So now I am going to attempt to update on as much as I possibly can on what happened between last friday ( January 3rd) through now (January 12th).
So leading up the 3rd, things were going okay. My dad was weak but he was still moving along. He had his 4th and last treatment of the yervoy on monday the 30th and actually drove himself to and from that appointment. Then came Friday. Sometime around 4 or 5 pm he got up to go to the bathroom and in walking there got extremely weak and collapsed. I was not home at the time but had been told there was nothing I could've done. My mom called 911 and they took my dad to st. mary's. During the entire ordeal my dad was completely conscious and aware of what was going on and has remained that way.
Once at the hospital they did an ultrasound on his heart and a ton of bloodwork. They were worried at first about his heart due to fluid around it but we later learned that it wasn't too much fluid and it was just irriatation from the tumor in his lungs but was not threatening. At this point the on call oncologist decided that my dad did not need to be admitted, but my dad disagreed and they put admitted him under observation.
The following morning we got to see the on call oncologist. He seemed to be honest with us until I went to leave and he pulled me aside and sugguested that I get hospice involved and that he may only have a couple weeks to a couple months to live, MAYBE a year if we were REALLY lucky. Up to this point we were still expecting at least 4-5 years.
The next couple days were filled with phsycial therapy and waiting for monday to come.
Finally Monday came and we were able to speak with my dad's oncologist who is probably the BEST oncologist EVER and I LOVE her. She is awesome. She was completely honest and very caring with us. She agreed basically with the on call oncologist, that not only was my dad so weak from the treatment of the yervoy but also the cancer, and that any more treatment to him would be too toxic. They decided to do the scans they had scheuled for later this month that day.
The next day we found out that while my dad's tumors had shrunk in his brain, they had also spread. At this point she confirmed that he had a very short time remaining, and that we should get hospice involved.
So after another day of meeting what seemed like a gazillion people from the hospital, physical therapy, occupational therapy, hospice, etc, we finally got to go home, diagnosis in hand, ready to give my dad as much as we could for the rest of his life.
Since then we have a hospital bed in our family room, and either a CNA or a nurse comes everyday during the work week.
According to my dad, he is not in any pain but he has a greatly decreased appetite. He gets up occasionally throughout the day but spends most of the time in bed. He is still talking and even had enough energy to get really mad at me when I was out late the night of the ice storm (haha).
The outpouring of love from friends and family has been overwhelming and we are so grateful to have everyone's support as we deal with all this.
I'm going to do a seperate blog post on common questions that we are asked, as well as one that addresses how my mom and I are feeling, since that seems to be a popular question as well.
Again we are grateful for all the love and support during this time, and ask that everyone continue prayers/positive thoughts.
Susan
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